[D5 EM] Reporting In (Open)

[Nozomi]

(OOC: Open, but expecting someone to show.)

Phi made her way back into the camp right around dawn. She was stifling a yawn. The change in her sleep schedule in the last two days of travel out of the Twilight Mountains was taking root, but it wasn't exactly pleasant. However, it was an acknowledge fact that now that they were coming out of the mountains and had already dealt with a pack of bandits, with future nezumi encounters likely, there needed to be watches at every hour. She'd drawn the 'Hour of the Ox' straw, but she'd been willingly enough. It just meant going to bed a little early.

As the rays of Ameterasu cast out upon the faint fog and haze of the day, she grunted to herself and left a report with the group's commanders before going to retrieve a few items from her tent. It was cold, but she was used to this kind of cold, however unnatural it felt. It was like being back home, if your home also was next to the gates of hell.

[Shinsei]

A short while after her arrival, a runner was sent to the nondescript tent off towards the edge of the expedition. The hooded figure known as Shinsei had been looking for the mysterious woman, and when told she was out patrolling, left word to fetch him when she returned.

When he arrived, he was directed to her tent, and told she was inside, likely gathering her things. Shinsei thanked and dismissed the runner, then turned to face the wan shelter with something akin to amusement in his eyes.

Rather than announcing himself and entering the tent, he sat down, pulled out a small package, and began eating his breakfast, all the while eying the entrance.

[Nozomi]

When she emerged, a coil of rope was slung over her shoulder and there were a string of sticks out that looked like she might have been preparing them for fletching. The tent flap opened on her rather basic looking pup tent and she paused, looking at ... well, Shinsei. He was sitting there, eating his morning meal, staring at her tent, just like she had been two days ago. And she kind of just blinked for a moment before setting the rope down and pulling out a small knife as she sat in front of her tent, beginning to work at the future arrow, trying to act like she was trying to figure out if she should be laughing or feel a little poked fun at. Maybe both.

She took a stroke of the knife and looked over at him. "Good morning, little teacher," she said, trying to sound more idle than she felt. You went to Shinsei. Shinsei did not come to you. That, she'd picked up pretty clearly. "What brings you by my humble little lean-to this morning? There's better places or eating, after all."

[Shinsei]

Shinsei finished chewing a dried bit of fish, having somehow lost track of all of his dried plums, and made sure to swallow before responding.

"I might say a sense of ironic timing, but in truth it's much more practical. I had a conversation the other day with a man who also referred to himself as a killer, as you did yourself, but who seems to have found a path that he enjoys. It reminded me of our conversation the other day and I felt..."

He cast about in his mind for the correct word. Inadequate could fit, but implied that he had dried to prove in assisting Phi, which wasn't the case.

"People often seek me out for advice and wisdom. I do my best to help those in need, and you did imply that my words brought some assurance, but I can't helpn wondering if I left too many questions unanswered."

Doubt.

From Shinsei.

[Nozomi]

Her eyebrows climbed and she looked at Shinsei for a moment. Well, someone just dove head-first into the waters there, didn't they? It could, she was starting to realize very quickly, be heaven and hell with this man...boy...old man? fuck it, she was going to stop trying to figure out his age for once and not give herself yet another headache. He could either be as blunt as a tetsubo, or as murky as swamp water. Right now? He was going for the former, and she... could work with that.

The topic, however...

Ok. She had to think back to their talk for a moment. It had not been a comfortable one. It had gotten to some of the core of her issues, her uncertainty about a place in the world for a person like herself, for someone who dealt with the things she dealt with nearly constantly. Having it brought back again... that got a grunt. She paused in her whittling and closed her eyes before breathing out.

"You were helpful, yes. Very helpful in a way, moreso than the Bayushi I have spoken with, and a few others. But you seem to feel there is more?" She considered and then got a little bit of a rueful grin under her mask. "I will turn this back on you little teacher. What question do you wish to ask of me first? I know some things. Perhaps I know the thing you want to know about?"

[Shinsei]

He actually chuckled at that. "Perhaps you do, perhaps you do. It isn't often that people look for me to ask questions."

Shinsei closed his eyes to think, hands resting on his knees, almost as if he were meditating. This time, at least, he didn't start snoring.

When he was content, he met Phi's eyes, seemingly unconcerned with their odd coloration. "What is it that you ultimately seek from Bayushi? I understand you crave purpose, but what does that look like for you? Is it being a killer by trade and by duty? Do you wish acknowledgement to your skills and values, or merely someone who understands their need? Orn are you, in some distant way, hoping that someone can influence your life in a way that makes what you are now into what you were, like the man I spoke to two nights ago?"

[Nozomi]

She blinked at him again. That... was a lot to unpack, and now she was really curious. "If it wasn't private, I'm damned curious who the old man was," she mumbled out, snorting and waving a hand. "You don't have to answer that. Just curious." She could actually think of a few people that might fit that bill. Yamadono seemed the type. Sora was... well, Sora. She still wondered if he'd gone soft on her. Koyama... she needed to check in with the old bastard sometime soon hopefully but he'd been busy of late. There were a list of killers among them, she'd found, most at least ten years her senior, at least.

On the one hand, she almost wanted to shout 'I'm just a teenager. You think I have this all figured out yet? It's a trick!' On the other, she'd actually thought about this a lot ever since Reiko had come to the village. A year to think on things she'd held back since she joined the Hikaru was a long time. Choji'd been right. She'd changed that day. She set the arrow down and reached to her side, pulling up the tonfa that was there and setting it on her lap, patting it.

"I'm sure you know what this is. It's a mill grinder. They use it to grind down the grain for meal." She reached to the handle and gripped it, lifting it so that the length went along her forearm and just past or a few inches. "And now, it is a weapon. With it, I can cave a fool's skull in and with its sister, block his partner's blow. You can change how you use it, but it is a tool. It has purpose. It has meaning. And if it is ignored and allowed to go to waste, forsaken, forgotten and uncherished, it awakens and haunts the living."

That old wives tale about unused buckets coming to take your soul? Yeah, she'd heard that one. She was willing to believe it. "I survived... the only one who survived. And I had no purpose until the Hikaru gave me something. To keep them going. Keep them fed. Keep them safe, and I learned what I did well. I can hunt. I can hide and scout. And I've bashed in more than a few fool's skulls, killed more game than I could ever count to feed them. But we are wasting away. We are a tool that has been left on a shelf. Most of us went after Shinjo, seeking the free winds. Unmoored. Unchained. That isn't how the Hikaru lived, how I live. But they wanted a new way, and Koyama offered it to them. Their choice."

"I am arrogant enough. I am a tool that wants purpose, and to be cherished in that purpose. I know what I can do, and honed, I can get better. I do not wish to be a foot soldier. To merely be discarded when the war is done. I want us, me, to matter and I am arrogant enough to believe that we, that I should. If I did not, I would have died 8 years ago with my parents, with everyone else. But I do not think most of these kami need a killer. They want soldiers, yes. But they do not think that they need one like me. I... do not wish to merely be a servant. I want someone I can stand beside and feel fulfilled doing so. I do not need the rest's glory or recognition. I just need to know that he is one I would matter to. And if not him, I will find another."

[Shinsei]

Shinsei decided, amid all that Phi had said, it might be a good idea to start eating again as he listened, having no idea how long he'd have to wait. Luckily it didn't seem to be too long, and he doubted that she really cared much about what he did between his own statements.

Brushing his fingers on his robe, he set about responding to everything she had addressed.

"Firstly, it was a man calling himself Sora to whom I spoke. Jiyo Sora. Seemed a bit shaken, and stirred up some questions in my mind when he also referred to being a Hikaru killer. Perhaps you know of him?"

He weighed her words again, then, picking out a specific distinction. "You use killer and soldier separately even though they share the task of killing. I assume you mean to distinguish the intent, in that you do not focus on war, but removal. You are wondering if any among the Kami would find use in one who could...cull the herd when needed, and find your concerns in whether you'll be valued for the service, or deemed an unnecessary relic of the past. Is that more accurate to the issue at hand?"

[Nozomi]

"Oh that old buzzard," she said, chuckling a little darkly. "He went and turned into a lowlander on us when the rest of the tribe told him to take a long hike off a short cliff. He's definitely a killer, that one. We both have blood on our hands, but ... folks though... well, he wasn't exactly liked in town. I never minded him that much." She just managed not to actively provoke folks, and by the time Sora had gone, she was still very young and what was left of the tribe were a lot less finicky about needing problem solvers. He probably would have fit in with the current crowd better than the old old days. They'd gotten a bit more cutthroat.

"He seems to have found a place though, and that's good." Because, unlike a lot of the Hikaru, she didn't think ill of him. Really, she would want both he and Koyama to do well. She sighed a little and put the tonfa back in her sash, starting to work on the arrow. It was a trick. It kept her from making eye contact with a man who seemed to have an eerie knack for knowing what she was thinking.

If you can read my mind, little man, get out now or I will throw a peach at your face.

"A guard watches the town, keeps the streets from trouble, keeps the trouble outside. A soldier fights in war, leads their men, waits for orders and serves. A killer? Kills. Each of us can be called on to kill if we have to, but you kind of hit it on the nose. I'm a hunter, of men and beast. Sometimes, a problem has to be stopped before it gets more folks hurt. You try and wait for the guards to step in, someone's already dead, one less set of hands to get food in the winter. One less mother to care for their children. You ask a soldier, and it's either overkill, or it takes too long." She went at the wood. "I don't enjoy killing. I do it because sometimes? A fool needs to die. But they're trying to make a civilized world and I don't believe it's going to be half as pretty as they hope. People don't play nice. They just like to pretend they do. One of these days, there's going to be a problem in their pretty little kami world, and someone's going to need to snuff out the fire before they get burned. So, yeah. That's the gist of it."

[Shinsei]

There was a long, protracted silence as Shinsei considered Phi's words. Each justification for death held a different implication; duty, honor, survival, defense... What Phi suggested was merely a different measure on the scale; prevention. Analyzing a threat, and removing it before it could become something greater, uncontrolled, and possibly devastating. Destruction of one to prevent the destruction of many. Where would such a thing fit into this new divine empire?

Shinsei turned his eyes southward, to the shadows gathering above the fallen god. He thought about Ryoshun, dead despite his divinity, powerful but still in Meido despite his strength. What fate awaited if Fu Leng was already lost? What might Shinsei need to do in answer?

His eyes narrowed, briefly, then turned to regard Phi with determination in his eyes.

"No... there will be a place. The soldier will always fight because there will always be war. The hunter will always hunt because there will always be hunger. The guard will always protect because there will always be danger. And a killer will always kill, because life will always end, and there will always be a need to end it."

He sighed, taking a step back from his intensity. "I may not always be wise enough to determine when or where to use your skills, but I am wise enough to know you will always have a place in the world, no matter where it goes."

[Nozomi]

"That wouldn't be your place unless you were the one I was standing beside, now would it?" she said off-handedly as she lifted the arrow to have a look at its balance, eyes squinting and running down the length of it, glancing back and over at him. "Not that I wouldn't take advice, if we get in a pinch together. Extra set of eyes." And she didn't pretend to always know when someone needed to die. That wasn't really her strongest point in this equation.

She looked at him as he stared towards the south, wondering how much he knew that he wasn't telling them. I wonder if you have ever seen a .... and she shook that thought off for a moment. "Does it bother you? To associate with a woman whose hands are drenched in blood?" That was a bit of hyperbole for effect, but she might be gauging him a little there. He never seemed to judge. "Just because we serve a purpose does not mean we are always welcome. You will need people like me soon. I hear there was fighting the other day. Lucky the big guy and the others were there to do the job or one of the other lowlanders might be dead now. But how does it feel, to come asking questions of one?"

[Shinsei]

"In the coming days I may very well need your expertise, whether you stand beside me or not. I pray that it will not be so, but I am a teacher, not a buffoon. We spend most of our time instructing idiots." He smiled, eyes glittering. "Most, not all."


He inclined his head for a moment. "As for the discussion, it feels..." Shinsei chuckled. "Enlightening. I am no warrior, guard, hunter, or killer. I am a scholar, somehow playing at being a commander, speaking with a woman who refers as casually to killing as a smith does to crafting a hammer. Most are not so bold as you, to speak on such things, and I find myself learning. I enjoy learning. When I have stopped learning, I shall be quite dead by then. But even that may not prevent me."

[Nozomi]

She snorted. "World's full of fools, definitely." She was probably one, some of the time. As she set back to whittling, she listened and thought about what he was saying. She supposed that she was a lot more open about what she was, what she was capable of than a lot of others here. Then again, she wasn't the best of the ones here by any stretch. She'd heard the kind of carnage that some of them could cause, and that Bayushi she'd mentioned before walked around with a hammer as big as her, happy as a clam. But she liked to think she was still quite good at what she did, and she doubted anyone knew the sticks as well as she did.

"I am who I am," she said with a bit of that resolve in the undertone of her voice. "I never saw a lot of point in always being honest. Honesty'll get you into trouble, but a soul should be who they are, true to who they are. I suppose part of what makes me so anxious is that feel of losing the sense of self. Of purpose. The tool woke up and looked for a new master. But you're never going to run out of secrets to learn. I bet there's things even you've never heard of yet. I wonder if I can manage to surprise you one day."

[Shinsei]

"I look forward to any day, or anyone, that can surprise me, provided that surprise doesn't come in the dead of night where no one can hear a cry for help. If you find ways to surprise me I would only ever be pleased. And if the day comes that I find no surprises left," he shrugged one shoulder. "On that day I may ask you to end me yourself."

Shinsei was now mostly finished with his choice of breakfast, having only some small dried fruits left, and not even the ones he liked. He stared at them in trepidation. "I don't fear for your sense of self. No matter who you become or who you follow, you will always be who you are and who you were meant to be."

[Nozomi]

She blinked and then barked out a laugh. It was a sound like a hyena baying at the moon for just a moment. She had to set the knife down, and when she did, she leaned forward and those red eyes were staring at him in a way that she might have Choji, Koyama, Sora or one of the others. How did he do that? "Be careful when you make that kind of offer to me, little teacher. If it's your time, I'm not the sort of person who would hesitate. I've put one of my own tribe down rather than let them suffer and linger. It was one quick motion. Done. With his ancestors." She smiled behind her veil, in a way that was a shade vicious even if she had a feeling he wouldn't flinch.

There was a glimmer of something at the other statement and she settled back, closing her eyes, considering something. "I might have something I want to ask you about, but I'd prefer to do it in my tent. It's ... not something I like talking about openly." Not a single soul had ever reacted well to her mentioning it in the past, and so she just... didn't. She held the tent flap open for him, nodding. "If you're willing to hear me out."

[Shinsei]

Really the laugh was what almost made him flinch, both from its unexpected arrival and the alarming resemblance to a savage animal. But he remained stalwart, if only just. He even managed a smile of his own. "If it was painless, then I'd be asking the right person for the job."

Quirking an eyebrow, Shinsei stood, brushed himself off and made his way to the open tent flap. He eyed Phi seriously before entering. "I didn't mean right now though. If I go in there and find a knife, I will scream like a child."

/fade to discussion

[Nozomi]

/fade back out of tent

"Is that so? I'll have to remember you said that," she said as she undid the ties on the tent flaps and slipped back out, retaking the arrows she'd been working on and settling out under the sun once more. She looked over at Shinsei as he was getting out and nodded her head. "I appreciate you ... taking the time to talk. You have a lot to deal with, and you coming here to speak to me. ...Thank you."

She wasn't really a talker, she'd swear, but it was easier. "This time I mean it though. If you need something, ask. Not a favor for a favor. Just... ask, and if I can, I'll do it."

[Shinsei]

Shinsei nodded, arms folding into his sleeves as he felt the relatively cold air washed over him, compared to the warmer, if stuffier, air within the tent. "I will certainly bear the in mind, Phi. I am ever learning, and one of the things I seem set up to learn the most these days is how ill prepared even I am to face the future. It isn't something one gets to express very often, being a bastion of knowledge and spiritual strength."

[Nozomi]

She chuckled as she worked at an arrow. "Careful not to let the world weigh on your shoulders. It's liable to break your back there," she teased. "You've got all of us around for a reason, after all. Though I'll admit I'm not exactly the 'spiritual strength' sort. Not really time for it in my line o work usually."

She closed her eyes, trying to think about what they'd been talking about before they'd gone inside. "Did I help you understand the question you had when you came? Probably going to take a while to get that whole answer, I think. Everyone's a little different."

[Shinsei]

"Spiritual strength often comes on the heels of spiritual suffering. But, if it's any consolation, I've not felt much of the weight in talking with you today. Even a temporary reprieve is significant." He turned and smiled warmly at her. "But yes, I am satisfied now, at least in regard to my question and my concerns about my advice. Perhaps we'll find reason to converse again soon. That would be nice, I think."

Shinsei turned and nodded, maybe even gently bowing, before picking his way back through the tents, off to some unknown task.

/exit unless stopped