[D3 EA] - Seeking ... Something (Open/NPC request)

[Nozomi]

It wasn't written over her face, but a piece of her that she shoved very far down had been lost and confused for much longer than this. She absolutely did not enjoy feeling it this close to the surface where the veil actually helped occlude some of her emotional reactions. But this situation and the lack of purpose in her life definitely left her with an increase in the consternation she felt. She did, however, listen to the explanation of what Shinsei said about him. 'He would have won' was shelved in the category of 'probably bravado but he's better than he lets on,' but much of what he said made her feel both better and a little worse.

"I... can appreciate that yes. I don't need glory, but if I am to find purpose with him, I still need him to at least see me. To know that I am here. If what is left of us are to find purpose, he has to look at us." She closed her eyes and nodded. The Hikaru had to wait. It started with her. "I think... he is possibly the one I seek, yes, if what you say is true. I have simply struggled with the 'how' of being sure, the 'what' of what it means for me to do this, and the 'why' of why he would look to me as anything more than a mere foot soldier. Where and When I think has been answered here and now."

[Shinsei]

"Why is a question more often answered by oneself than others, but Bayushi is not one to look away from those in his care. He only looks to turn the eyes of others away, all the while remembering and revering the actions of those who take up his name. But no matter my knowledge, I am not he, and no answer I give will be as impactful as those given by him. I only hope my words are providing some manner of solace for you as we approach the mouth of hell itself."

[Nozomi]

"They... help some, yes. Thank you. I may speak with his sister in the coming days. I've meant to have words with her." Bit of history there, with Koyama and all. "I will think on this. I'm still unsure, but ... it helps my mind." She breathed out after a moment and closed her eyes, relaxing somewhat.

"I probably will not ask the shining one. I do not think he and I have much in common. Even from a distance, he reminds me of what Yamadono said of Akodo." And that one's ways were not her ways.

[Shinsei]

"The shining one... you refer to Hantei in this regard?" Shinsei considered that for a moment, focusing on the similarities and differences between the two. "They do have their differences, but if you have issues with Akodo, you may be right to avoid Hantei, they are similar enough to your sensibilities to cause issue."

[Nozomi]

"If he is as driven by this ... honor as Akodo, we might. I understand Duty and Courage well enough. The rest is ... a bit foreign to me." She wasn't even going to hide that. It all seemed like a very pointless exercise, especially when you considered the trouble actually being honest could cause sometimes. "I'd rather not get on his bad side simply to ask about his brother. That just seems foolish."

She paused and nodded her head. "Besides rescuing the lost one. Is there anything you would ask of me? I dislike being in a person's debt for long, however great or small."

[Shinsei]

Shinsei nodded along with Phi's points, more to display that he was listening than to imply outright agreement. His features scrunched up in confusion at her final words, though. "Debt? In what way have I indebted you? I've only shared my knowledge, there was never a price attached to such."

[Nozomi]

Hmmm. Well, that was ... actually something of an answer? If it was knowledge then... "In that case, is there a question you would ask of me? Since you shared knowledge freely, that seems a fair return. You've helped me a lot today, I think." Yes, she rather liked that idea at the moment. A question for a question. It had a nice ring to it. "I would feel better offering that in return."

[Shinsei]

That earned a nod and a thoughtful pause. The nature of the discussion had revealed much of the sort of person Phi was, and left few reasons to ask after her directly. A hand reached up to scratch his chin as he decided on his question. "Knowing what you know, what are you willing to lose to achieve the goal we've set out with on this journey?"

[Nozomi]

She considered the question. When she answered, there was a hesitancy for a moment, as if she would really rather not be that honest about it. She didn't actually like being entirely honest. Frank? Yes, but she chose the details she revealed about herself. When the words reached her mouth, though, she found some pieces spilling out that she really hadn't expected, pieces she hadn't necessarily talked about in years, possibly ever. The Hikaru weren't exactly known for their touchy-feely responses to anything, and she'd put them deep down into dark recesses where they belonged.

"I live by mere happenstance." She shrugged and looked at the entrance. "Everyone tied to me by blood is gone. I am Hikaru because they took me in. I have no place in this world, and my life is as a shadow on the waters, fluttering away at the slightest breeze. I would die doing it, but I would feel wrong throwing it away. So I suppose I wish to give that purpose my stolen life. All of it. If I must be the one that lived... I might as well do something worth living with it instead of grubbing in the muck of a marsh and just surviving."

She frowned. "I'd rather not give up my soul, though. I doubt he'd ask such a thing, and I very much doubt it is worth much anyway." If even her ancestors would not heed her existence, what worth was she? She realized how much she said and squinted her eyes before shrugging. Somehow, she doubted he was about to go telling anyone anything that morbid.

[Shinsei]

Shinsei frowned as he took in all the information that she provided, the general sense of loss and aimlessness that must certainly surround Phi wherever she went. There was hesitation, there was emptiness, maybe even loneliness. But there was strength as well, bound up among all the other emotions, and a drive to push forward which he found admirable. He chose to focus on these latter concepts, and reached out to clasp Phi's shoulder, tilting his head back to reveal more of his strangely youthful features as he looked her directly in the eyes.

"Hold tightly to that as we press forward, for it is your soul that Jigoku will fight hardest to take from you."

[Nozomi]

She didn't actually flinch. Physical contact wasn't entirely unheard of among the cruder ways of the Hikaru. She wasn't used to it, exactly, but she didn't flinch away and met his gaze. Her hand went to a chord around her neck and she drew something out of her outfit. The glimmer of a jade finger was there, barely visible before she slid it back in.

"I made preparations." She said that with a bit of blunt confidence. Yes, she doubted one finger was really enough, but those things were fucking expensive. "If I am giving it up, it will not be to that place. I think... I will only give it up for him, but I want to be sure I'm not some fool child chasing a fantasy instead of a real person first. Jigoku will not have me."

[Shinsei]

He nodded, squeezed once, then returned to his typically relaxed and loose posture. "It will help to be prepared. I wish I could offer more advice on what to be prepared for, but the current situation is unprecedented. I know not of any other time where such a rift has been opened into another realm." Shinsei smiled cryptically. "I suggest speaking with Shinjo, if given the chance. You may not learn of Bayushi straight from the source, but you may be surprised to find that the Kami are people just as much as they are gods."

[Nozomi]

"I may be grateful for that fact. If I have to speak to a god directly, they might as well be something I can understand," she said, starting to get up and nodding to him. "Thank you for your time. Call if you need something shot in the face or knocked senseless with farming tools. It's one of my few marketable skills. I like to think I'm pretty good at it." She winked, and as long as he wasn't going to complain, she'd depart. She still had a lot to think about.

/exit

[Shinsei]

Shinsei did not protest Phi's exit, only choosing to smile his amusement to her words and her wink.

A thought struck him shortly after she left.

"Where's my crow gotten off to..."

/scene